An under-utilized resource!

I’ve heard that anxiety can be excitement without the breath. One of my favorite ways to calm the nervous system and just to increase my overall health is intentional breathing. Breathing out longer than one breathes in is a way to gently calm oneself. There are many different ways to work with the breath. My current fave is breathing in for three, holding one’s breath for four and then breathing out for five. And Repeat. I find it even more magical when done in a group. xo

And Out of the Blue, Our Favorite Carpenter Passed Away ...

With the shortage of contractors, I was feeling particularly lucky that Barry was able to help us rebuild our front stoop. Everyone who knew Barry loved him. With Barry one not only got masterful carpentry work, but an afternoon of soulful conversation. Barry was real. Barry was a great listener. Barry was no stranger to emotional hardships. And Barry was a seeker on the meaning of life.

Depending on the day, we would often talk about our favorite meditation guru du jour. Lately Jack Kornfield had been resonating with him. We would undoubtedly talk about his children and mine, our hopes for a good life for them. I used to say that I wish he was my childrens’ uncle, and I was always so amazed at how talented he was. He would reply, “You just figure it out.”

When I texted Barry a thank you photo for the amazing job he had just completed, I got a text back from his wife telling me that Barry had passed away. I was in shock. We had just been hanging out the week prior. We were midway in another project. He still had so much love to give and receive from his family, friends and customers…

I guess he might say, live your life as best you can today. We miss you Barry!

Below are Barry’s own words:

“I used to believe some things would go on forever, but the truth is, nothing is forever except the cycles of life and death - which are a manifestation of You. You show yourself in every expression of life. You speak constantly through the cycles as if they were organic covenants with us. You promise us a spring after every winter, hope after every difficulty, a rebirth after we crumble into ashes. But the truth is that it is a day-by-day and sometimes minute-by-minute experience of breathing, interpreting my world, and deciding in that moment whether I am going to be afraid or not. My world looks beautiful when I feel safe and terrifying when I do not. Oddly regardless of how I feel, the same trees are in view from my window. Clouds still pass overhead. Flowers are still blooming in my garden. The only variable is whether I wake in anxiety or in trust. It is day to day, this business of being alive. It is an illusion to believe I will be here tomorrow, even though I plan for it. Which will unfold? I can only wake tomorrow.”

A meditation on life written by Barry Mitchell Nelson

April 28, 1948 to June 28, 2021

Check out this podcast..."According to Weeze" on how to create a just, equitable and inclusive society....

https://www.accordingtoweeze.com

I highly recommend listening to Louiza Doran’s podcast. You won’t be sorry. One of her main take-aways is that we in the U.S. live in a society layered in privilege and systemic oppression. Unfortunately, often this system often can’t be seen, but it sure is felt especially by marginalized people. People who are not white, male, cis-gendered, whose first language is English in the USA, economically-secure, etc.

We know that access to education, health care, safety, clean water, economic security, jobs, housing is not equal.

If we don’t try to see and understand the unseen system, we are complicit in reproducing systems of harm.

A place where I am starting is to:

1) try to make zero assumptions about the identity of people I meet. This is not easy as most of us—including me—have grown up in a world filled with assumptions based on the identities we see.

2) try to understand my whiteness by Studying Group Relations and reading books like Caste by Isabel Wilkerson, How to be Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo.

3) Having conversations with friends and family.

4) Trying to not let shame immobilize me when I make a mistake. Instead checking in with the person whom I may have harmed, owning my mistake, apologizing and trying to learn from it.

A little bit of brightness among the despair…become a “learning team”

2020 has been such a crazy year. So much fear, separation, loss of income, loss of life, loss of important moments. Amidst all of this sadness, there have been some bright spots.

One of the positive areas for me has been the opportunity to lean into online learning. I have spent countless hours on free webinars, joined hundreds of people from around the world in global meditation sessions and participated in Peter Hawkin’s and David Clutterbuck’s Team Coaching program.

One thing that I have learned from the Team Coaching program is how important it is to become a learning team.

  • A team that is willing to reflect on it’s success and failures.

  • A team that values difference and recruits for diversity.

  • A team that values and listens to its stakeholders.

  • A team that looks future back and outside in.

Teams with these attributes can be more than the sum of its parts.

Often teams spend much of their time focused on individual goals and the relationships around the table.

One activity you might want to try with your team to widen their lens is to ask each teammate to bring an external learning to team meeting each week:

What have we learned from all of our stakeholders this week? (Stakeholders might be the press, a supplier, a new employee, an investor, a customer, the local community, the global community etc.)

A Time to Elevate…

I am grateful to Coaches Shirley McAlpine and Ray Fisher for offering Time to Elevate, a virtual class on beginning to understand structural racism and our obligation to get educated and into action.

I took this class a few weeks ago and found it so helpful on many levels. Shirley and Ray provide pre and post homework including interviews from authors Ibram X. Kendi and Robin DiAngelo just to name a few.

You are asked to ideally find a partner to come to the class with so you can have discussions before and after a Time to Elevate. My teenage son watched some of the videos with me. In fact, he was my inspiration for taking the class because he asked why we weren’t doing more to protest and change structural racism? He was right. Why weren’t we? Why wasn’t I?

This class offers a space for you to feel your emotions and access your ideas about Black Lives Matter, race in America and to consider your role in all of it. For me one of my biggest take-aways was that I am not okay with being silent any more. That my being silent is a way of being complacent…and that is not who I want to be.

Shirley and Ray are easy to find, so contact them if you want to join an upcoming class: https://shirley-mcalpine-consulting-llc.mykajabi.com/sales-page-1 or see if they are available to consult to your organization.

xoxoxo

A powerful experience...

Anyone wanting an opportunity to learn through immediate and direct experience about group dynamics and influence, about overt and covert actions involved in the exercise of leadership, authority and power should check out this cool weekend conference. Group relations is such a powerful way to learn how others see you and to learn what biases you might be carrying without realizing it.

https://www.weekendcsgss.com/

Happy New Year!

If you are like me, you may have that pile of books on your side table waiting for you to pick them up!  Reading right before bed does not always work.

However there is hope!  My favorite new way to read more is actually to listen more! 

I am in love with the Audible App. 

It does have a monthly charge, and for that they offer some really good content like "Where Should We Begin?" a podcast produced by Audible and hosted by the amazing couples therapist, Esther Perel. 

Or you can buy your own audio books.  Two enthusiastic recommendations are: 1) Trevor Noah's Born A Crime and 2) Leadership on the Line by Marty Linsky and Ronald Heifetz.  In Born a Crime, Noah narrates his own life story growing up in South Africa which is at times extremely painful and at other times extremely funny.  It is a captivating way to learn some important history of life inside South Africa during apartheid and beyond.

Leadership on the Line is a really compelling book which provides examples of the many invisible forces that leaders navigate on a daily basis.  This books invites you to "step onto the balcony" at times to see your life from a wider perspective so those "invisible forces" may become a bit more visible!

Enjoy!

 

State of Wonder...

I just finished reading Ann Patchett’s novel “State of Wonder.”  She is one of my favorite all-time authors.  I can easily get hooked into her stories and am always amazed at how fluent she is writing about diverse topics from a hostage thriller to the tale of a young woman heading off to a home for unwed mothers.

I stumbled upon this gem she wrote while she had us deep in the jungle in the “State of Wonder:”

“He used to say we all had a compass inside of us and what we needed to do was find it and follow it.”

That line pretty much sums it up for me.  I have definitely been guilty of wanting to get outside approval of my path from time to time.  An although I love the opportunity to process things with a friend, therapist or coach, in the end it is spending quiet time and listening to myself, which leads me on my best path.

And I try to put practices in place so that I do just that.

What about you?  What practices do you put in place so that you have the time and space to check things out with yourself?  Email me at claudiarenchymorton@gmail.com and let me know!

This Crazy Upside Down World

This Crazy Upside Down World

 

What can I say? 

What can I add to the cacophony of craziness?

Maybe just this:

 

Breathe

Try to see the other in you

Go to bed early

Get up early

 

Breathe

Try to see the other in you

Go to bed early

Get up early

 

Don’t look the other way

When someone crosses the line, your line

 

Don’t pretend you don’t see

Stand up for yourself

Stand up for the other guy

 

Breathe

Try to see the other in you

Go to bed early

Get up early

 

 

 

The Stillness of Movement...

I had one of the mellow, mind-blowing conversations with my son the other day… the kind of conversations that typically only happen when I am alone with one child and usually driving.  I think it must be the fluidity of the moment that helps unearth these jewels that are otherwise locked inside.  That and perhaps when I am focused on the road, I tend to spew less judgment.

Anyway, my son was talking about LOVE.  (I don’t even remember how it came up.)  He said that sometimes he loved us so much he could burst.  I said, “Oh when is that?”  He said, “Oh it is those times when neither you or Daddy are yelling at us.  When neither of you are out of sorts about one thing or another and you aren’t bugging us about anything digital.”

“Oh, I said.”

His comment took my breath away. 

Scanning our days and existence, I quickly registered how few and far between those lovely LOVE moments actually were.  Yet he remembered them.  He held on to them.  And he gave me hope. 

Imagine if I could make space for more of them?

So you may be asking what does this parenting story have to do with coaching? 

I can’t predict what will resonate for you, but some things that stood out for me are:

-       a true connection can come from anywhere and at any time when we have an open mindset

-       an open mindset is another way of saying that one’s judgment and defenses are not activated

-       slowing down and being truly curious about another person's experience can help create an open mindset

-       when we are able to “hear” what another person says, we have the ability to take in new information and perhaps make a different or more conscious choice (like hopefully I will remember to do with my sons)

-       for me, movement supports a more open mindset.

I invite you to pay attention to the moments when you feel you have an open mindset and are able to have a dialogue with someone without becoming defensive or judgmental.  It may be often.   It may be rarely.  It may be when you are moving.

Thank you dear son!

Hey thanks for checking out my new blog and Web site.  I can’t quite say it has been a labor of love, but taking the first step certainly was tougher than I expected.  I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice to say branding oneself is a heck of a lot harder than promoting someone else.  :) This blog will generally be populated with personal stories, blunders and occasional insights around coaching, communication and life.

 

“Thank you to Kirstin LaMonde and Katharine Figura for portrait photography”